How to Plan a Funeral: A Step-by-Step Guide for 2025

First of all, here's the guide

The Bottom Line

After working as an assistant funeral director for several years, I've sat with hundreds of families during their worst moments. The question I hear most? "What do I do first?" It's always asked with that same mix of panic and exhaustion.

Here's what I learned: funeral planning isn't as overwhelming as it seems when you know what actually needs to happen when. Most families think they need to decide everything immediately—but that's just not true. You've got time for the decisions that matter.

Quick Overview:

What You Need to Do in the First 24 Hours

The first day feels impossible, but you only need to handle a few urgent things. Everything else can wait, no matter what anyone tells you.

Your immediate to-do list:

• Get an official declaration of death (if at home, call 911 or hospice)
• Contact a funeral home to arrange body transportation
• Decide between burial or cremation (this affects next steps)
• Start gathering important documents if you can
• Let immediate family know

That's it. You don't need to choose flowers, write an obituary, or plan a whole service right away. Those decisions can wait until you've had a chance to breathe and think clearly.

Understanding Your Service Options

From my experience helping families, most people don't realize how many different ways you can honor someone. The "traditional funeral" isn't your only option—and it's often not the best fit.

Here's what's actually available:

The key is matching what you choose to what the person actually wanted—not what you think you "should" do.

What Funerals Actually Cost (And Where Your Money Goes)

Let me be straight with you about costs—most families are shocked by funeral prices, and that shock makes everything harder when you're already struggling.

Here's the realistic breakdown:

**Pro tip from the funeral home:** The Federal Funeral Rule requires funeral homes to give you itemized prices over the phone. Use this to compare before you walk in the door.

Choosing a Funeral Home (And What to Ask)

Not all funeral homes are the same—and you're not stuck with the first one you call. Here's what matters when you're choosing:

Essential questions to ask:

• Can you email me an itemized price list before we meet?
• What's included in your basic service fee?
• Do you allow families to provide their own casket/urn?
• What are your payment options and policies?
• How quickly can you retrieve the body and start arrangements?
• Can you handle all the death certificate paperwork?

**Red flags:** Pressure to decide immediately, refusing to discuss prices over the phone, or pushback when you ask about bringing your own casket.

Legal Stuff You Need to Handle

The paperwork side isn't fun, but it's straightforward if you know what to expect.

Documents you'll need to find:

• Birth certificate
• Social Security card
• Marriage certificate (if applicable)
• Military discharge papers (for veteran benefits)
• Insurance policies
• Any pre-planned funeral arrangements

**About death certificates:** You'll need multiple copies (usually 10-12). The funeral home can order these for you, or you can get them directly from the vital records office for less money.

Common Mistakes That Make Everything Harder

Having worked with so many families, I've seen the same mistakes happen again and again. Here's how to avoid them:

When Family Members Disagree

This is probably the hardest part of funeral planning—when family members have different ideas about what should happen. I've seen families split apart over these decisions, and it's heartbreaking.

Strategies that actually work:

• Start with what you know the person wanted (if anything was discussed)
• Focus on honoring them, not pleasing everyone
• Assign specific tasks to give everyone a way to help
• Set a spending limit everyone agrees on before making decisions
• Remember that perfect is the enemy of good

**When push comes to shove:** The person legally responsible for arrangements (usually next of kin) gets to make the final decisions. But it's worth trying to find common ground first.

Planning the Service Details

Once you've handled the big decisions, you can focus on creating a service that feels right for your person.

Key elements to consider:

• **Location:** Funeral home, church, graveside, or somewhere meaningful
• **Timing:** Consider travel time for out-of-town family
• **Music:** Their favorites, religious hymns, or something in between
• **Speakers:** Who they'd want to hear from (keep it to 3-4 people max)
• **Personal touches:** Photos, mementos, their favorite flowers
• **Reception:** Simple refreshments or full meal, depending on your crowd

**Remember:** You can always have multiple gatherings. A small graveside service for immediate family and a larger celebration of life later gives everyone a chance to participate.

What About Pre-Planning?

If you're reading this for yourself or thinking ahead, here's what's worth planning in advance:

The Reality Check

Here's what I want you to know after helping hundreds of families through this: there's no such thing as a perfect funeral. There's only what feels right for your family and what honors the person you've lost.

Some services are beautiful and go exactly as planned. Others are chaotic but full of love. Both can be exactly what they need to be. The goal isn't perfection—it's saying goodbye in a way that brings some peace.

Don't let anyone pressure you into decisions that don't feel right. Trust your instincts about what your person would have wanted. And remember that how you honor someone isn't measured by how much you spend or how fancy the service is.